How to tell your child that she doesn't have a dad?

[Evangeline89]

I know this is a common questions but I am a single mum to be (baby due in july). How am i to tell the baby that the father abandon us? Can't be what. can i tell the baby that her father is in a far far away place?

 

[Decipher]

well, for me I just tell the truth. so ya, depends on how you handle it, as I believe if I bring it up to him at a very young age. He will get use to it as he grows up.

2nd choice, break it to your child when you think he or she is old enough but not during teenage life or what known as rebellious age.
mean while just let her know her father is far away?

Anyway, feel free to msn with me too : chaos_burner84@hotmail.com

Cheers

 

[happymummyo7]

I think whichever way u choose to tell yr kid, u have to think of his feelings n how he wld react n whether he is ready for it.

Since my boy's birth, im trying hard to fill his life with love n only pple who love him. Friends who cant accept him gets kicked out of my life. N also, im very particular abt moral n values in life. I guess as long as there r many who loves him, n him learning the right attitude towards life, not having a father shdnt b such a big deal anymore. He may still wonder what its like to have one or wish he had one, but not till the extend of letting it bothers him alot, im hoping la.

Ive thought of how to break it to him when he asks. I guess i wont lie to him that he has one. Most prolly gonna phrase the reason into simple story.

 

[Amulet]

it's best to tell the truth, but in an age appropriate way..

i find reading up on some books for single parenting helps.. NLB has many such books..

 

[happymummyo7]

Yupyup! I believe lying doesnt help. If yr kid found out the truth, i guess it wld really hurt alot. Imagine how u feel when someone u love lied.

For me cos i chose to leave that sperm donor, so i guess i will b telling him cos that man is not gd enough. Not till the extend of telling him how not gd he is. Mainly gonna focus on its not my son's fault. Read that certain stage kids tend to wonder too much. Dont wan him to think that its cos of him its his fault or that the man doesnt want him.

 

[mommytots]

This is a tough one. It is always good to be honest. In the mean time, it is also good to find a replacement or god father if there is one. It will look more complete.

 

[2012MummyToBe]

Hi all

I'm in a similar predicament. I actually just found out early last week that I'm pregnant and went to the gynae this morning with my best friend to confirm it. My baby will be due in early Jan 2012 and though I've a very strong mind to keep the baby but there a lots of thoughts going on in my mind since I found out that I'm pregnant.

I have no intention of letting the baby's dad know as I know his predicament well and am intending to move out to stay on my own as well as I do not know how to break this news to my parents who assumed that I'm single all this while though I'm attached.

Really in a loss...

 

[Evangeline89]

Hi all

I'm in a similar predicament. I actually just found out early last week that I'm pregnant and went to the gynae this morning with my best friend to confirm it. My baby will be due in early Jan 2012 and though I've a very strong mind to keep the baby but there a lots of thoughts going on in my mind since I found out that I'm pregnant.

I have no intention of letting the baby's dad know as I know his predicament well and am intending to move out to stay on my own as well as I do not know how to break this news to my parents who assumed that I'm single all this while though I'm attached.

Really in a loss...

OMG..I think as a responsibility to your child, you must be prepared to face ALL kinds of toughness. And also please inform the baby's dad. Its a responsibility TOWARD your child. Whether he takes it well or not, just accept whatever that comes to you. As for your parents...just tell them..do not throw temper or emo. Talk to them rationally. Tell them that you acknowledge this mistake but aborting will be ANOTHER mistake.. and also start researching on single parents help from family centres. they do help to talk to your parents also. I am telling you, that it wun be easy. And i know that you know vry well it is nt. In my case, i got kicked out of home, my parents wanted me to abort. I refuse. I just refuse and say I will take care of my baby and I make sure i do it..of course they wun believe until they SEE. I got very very strict parents. So I told my mum. my mum almost fainted. my dad just refused to talk to me..cos of his social status..very 'throw face'.. But I show them that I am a responsible adult. And now my mum keep siding my baby (who is not even out) saying her eyes are bigger den me and stuff lidat...my dad just want me to prove myself by letting me stay outside for 1 year. show that i know that i can take care of my baby. As for relatives...they called me slut...called me all sorts of things..all the negative things..I IGNORE. They can just sit back and watch me bring up my baby to be as well as theirs or even better. You can go to the thread young single mummies pls fall in that is started by me and read all the post..it can help you understand the picture better.

 

[Ting]

Hi all

I'm in a similar predicament. I actually just found out early last week that I'm pregnant and went to the gynae this morning with my best friend to confirm it. My baby will be due in early Jan 2012 and though I've a very strong mind to keep the baby but there a lots of thoughts going on in my mind since I found out that I'm pregnant.

I have no intention of letting the baby's dad know as I know his predicament well and am intending to move out to stay on my own as well as I do not know how to break this news to my parents who assumed that I'm single all this while though I'm attached.

Really in a loss...

the first thing your shld do is to speak to your parents. u know your parents well, so just be prepared on how they might react. when i found out i was preg, i told my dad first, becos i know though he is "fiercer" than my mum, he is more rational in thinking. my decision was right, cos after my mum found out, she was pretty emotional. since u r very firm in keeping the child, let your parents know and the best is, let them know your plans for this child and how r u gg to cope. at least, they can accept it easier knowing u hv thought it through. may i know, what is the reason for not letting the child's father know??

for me, i was with my ex when my child was born til she was 4-5 mths old, i left him. i met my current husb when she was 2.5yo. from the time i left my ex til my daughter was 2.5 yo, she nvr had a dad arnd, she nvr "asked" for a dad, bcos she nvr knew what was a "dad". my father, was the fatherly figure to her. then came along my husb who loved n doted her.. and since then, she has a daddy. we still havent decide when or how to tell her abt her bio father, but we r taking it as it goes. for now, we dun see a need to inform her, perhaps when she grows much older, in her teens, then we will inform her. or perhaps, if not needed, we wont ever need to tell her.

 

[mommytots]

Good to have someone 'experience' (church member, aware type of people, womens group or social group) to help out to talk to the parents. At times, the parents just go berserk.

Expected. It will take time to settle down. Just be strong, think positively and move on. Let them say whatever they want and once they settled down, then should lend a hand.

You are not committing a crime for them not to love you. It will take time to heal.

 

[Amulet]

Hi all

I'm in a similar predicament. I actually just found out early last week that I'm pregnant and went to the gynae this morning with my best friend to confirm it. My baby will be due in early Jan 2012 and though I've a very strong mind to keep the baby but there a lots of thoughts going on in my mind since I found out that I'm pregnant.

I have no intention of letting the baby's dad know as I know his predicament well and am intending to move out to stay on my own as well as I do not know how to break this news to my parents who assumed that I'm single all this while though I'm attached.

Really in a loss...

imho, u should let the baby's dad n ur parents know even if u dunno how to break the news.. u are going to be responsible for another person soon, so start by being a responsible person yourself..

our family are the only ones who will be there for us and our kids in the end even though it might take them awhile to accept or respond positively.. their emotional support and acceptance will be really helpful to you and your baby.. me and my girl can be who we are today all thanks to my family members for accepting us and loving us as part of the family.. my girl has been a very happy child and thanks to my mum's help, i then can do things like furthering my studies or taking course to upgrade my future.. if you intend to hide your pregnancy, thn how long will u hide? u will give ur parents a ruder shock if u comes back 9 months later with a baby in arms.. or u intent to hide ur child from them forever?

as for the baby's dad, i just feels that he has the rights to know..

 

[Carlisle]

I know this is a common questions but I am a single mum to be (baby due in july). How am i to tell the baby that the father abandon us? Can't be what. can i tell the baby that her father is in a far far away place?

Just tell your child the truth, Show him/her that you care and love him/her even without the father.