My husband is having an affair

[Jan]

Are you sure or are your confidence that he will come back to you? Are you willing to forgive and forget if he really come running back to you?

Like all the mummies and daddies had suggest, gather the evidence and file for divorce... He is not even to see a marriage counsellor with you so do you think he is willing to work this marriage out.

Why make yourself suffer when your hb and the other woman are enjoying themselves?

 

[crybaby]

Dating to ROM to Getting married is all different stages in life. Man and woman also goes through different feelings in these stages. I do agree with some mommies that if you have had realised his affair earlier you should proceed to 'hesitation' mood before getting married to your current husband. I think some financial losses is better than tough to heal heartaches.

Then comes the question, if you have kid/kids with this man, are you willing to stay with him coz of them? I think having a child/children makes the decision harder. So really must consider carefully. Or would your child/children do better without him? (Personal opinion: Since he's always hanging around the other woman and i assume he's always not home, it don't/won't make any difference to your kid/kids).

I am sure that if you are prepared to leave him, you would have done the PI and gathering of evidences in the very early stage, like many have suggested.

When it comes to loving a person, it is hard to let go, no matter what people say. Coz you'll feel that people are not in that situation and do not feel how you feel. Who are these people to judge the person I love when they don't even know him. Of course, I am sure everyone means well.

Maybe look things the other way. Are you constantly going in circles when making your life decision because of this man? Do you always feel stuck? Consider some 'WHAT IFs'. Example: what would I do next if my life is to move on and away from this man?

Last but not least, try to stick with ONE decision you have made for yourself. Be it good or bad, you'll be the one clearest of what consequences you'll have to face. (Personal opinion: Going away for a relatively long period of time, may help this process. It'll let the dust of your relationship settle, helping you to make a more rational decision. Who knows you may discover something new in life, you never thought you had.)

I hope that everythings will turn out for the better. Good luck.

 

[missixty]

hi,
i think all of us here have given you much advices. but dear all, it is always EASIER SAID THAN DONE!!!!!!!!!!

i truely understand what you are going thru.. cause i personally went thru something this similar as well before. i love my husband very much, till today, however, he always only deliver empty promises, after much chances given to him and after much assurance from him again and again that he will not do the same thing again, he will not hurt me again, STILL, tilll today, it is still the same, the same old mistake happens almost every week. my confidence level has dropped both in terms of trusting him, trusting his words and even in our relationship.

many friends have been telling me that he will not change, dun ever think of changing him. either i make do with it if i really love him or just leave and get on with my own life, perhaps there maybe someone out there that will love me better. but like i said earlier, IT'S EASIER SAID THAN DONE!! i tot of leaving, but never have the courage to and inside me, i still have this feeling that i love him and will not want to leave him, leave this relationship that we have went thru for the past 10 years. i still want to bear his children. so, is this silly??

sorry for the long story.

what i trying to say is, utimately, i still all depends on how much you love him, love your relationship. i strongly feel that if your love is still there, i really very HARD AND DIFFICULT for you to just leave him. (just like jack neo's wife)

anyway, wish you all the best!!

 

[Ting]

missixty, have to agree, that it is always easier said than done.
the first step is always the hardest to take.
n of cos, to walk away from a something u hv spent so much effort on in building, ie the trust, n marriage, of cos u wont bear to.


but usually, after taking the first step, it is easier to contd walking.


JMHO.

 

[SunShine07]

missixty, have to agree, that it is always easier said than done.
the first step is always the hardest to take.
n of cos, to walk away from a something you have spent so much effort on in building, ie the trust, n marriage, of cos you wont bear to.


but usually, after taking the first step, it is easier to contd walking.


JMHO.

Yes, i have to agreed with Ting on this....think it is all based on what ppl like us gone thru

 

[hotfudge]

yes, i agree with Ting.. after 7 years, i managed to take my first step out !!

 

[Phoebii Cheng]

Yes, I also agree with what Ting says...though the first step is difficult to take

We are human after all, so it is difficult to let go....but don't you want to be free from all these insecurities?

 

[jojoki]

yup be strong n take the first step. MY friend is in ur shoes too,, worse her hubs lied to her countless time, kept a mistress in the philippines for 2 over years... beats her up (twice got the police in involved) and now thu hubs tells her flat in her face that he no longer loves her and have chose to divorce her fr the mistress. Yet she still finds it soo hard to let go , cos they have been together fr 7 years. She felt it was a waste!

7 years of lies betrayal n batters,, wat is there to waste?? Staying on will be a waste of time~~

 

[MangoApple]

hi,
i think all of us here have given you much advices. but dear all, it is always EASIER SAID THAN DONE!!!!!!!!!!

i truely understand what you are going thru.. cause i personally went thru something this similar as well before. i love my husband very much, till today, however, he always only deliver empty promises, after much chances given to him and after much assurance from him again and again that he will not do the same thing again, he will not hurt me again, STILL, tilll today, it is still the same, the same old mistake happens almost every week. my confidence level has dropped both in terms of trusting him, trusting his words and even in our relationship.

many friends have been telling me that he will not change, dont ever think of changing him. either i make do with it if i really love him or just leave and get on with my own life, perhaps there maybe someone out there that will love me better. but like i said earlier, IT'S EASIER SAID THAN DONE!! i thought of leaving, but never have the courage to and inside me, i still have this feeling that i love him and will not want to leave him, leave this relationship that we have went thru for the past 10 years. i still want to bear his children. so, is this silly??

sorry for the long story.

what i trying to say is, utimately, i still all depends on how much you love him, love your relationship. i strongly feel that if your love is still there, i really very HARD AND DIFFICULT for you to just leave him. (just like jack neo's wife)

anyway, wish you all the best!!

im also like you. i wish to bear him children but he is not willing. I knew that my husband was a playboy but I still love him wholeheartedly. I may be labelled as silly but it is impossible for me to leave him!

I had spoken to my inlaws , they told me to be patience & wait as they believe my husband will come back to me. so I wait...

 

[SunShine07]

yup be strong n take the first step. MY friend is in your shoes too,, worse her hubs lied to her countless time, kept a mistress in the philippines for 2 over years... beats her up (twice got the police in involved) and now thu hubs tells her flat in her face that he no longer loves her and have chose to divorce her fr the mistress. Yet she still finds it soo hard to let go , cos they have been together fr 7 years. She felt it was a waste!

7 years of lies betrayal n batters,, what is there to waste?? Staying on will be a waste of time~~

yah, nothing to be waste about.

My husband did everything that u can tot of a man can do to his wife too.

abusive, have affairs, dun give allowance, dun wanna work, blame everyone, no respect for elder....is a true bastard.

Beg me to give him chance but never change, keep threatening my life, no peace....then finally got police case n locked up he then let go.....i am very relieve! :tlaugh:

 

[SunShine07]

im also like you. i wish to bear him children but he is not willing. I knew that my husband was a playboy but I still love him wholeheartedly. I may be labelled as silly but it is impossible for me to leave him!

I had spoken to my inlaws , they told me to be patience & wait as they believe my husband will come back to me. so I wait...

sorry to say this. But are you going to wait till that woman get pregnant? DOn't you find it too painful to bear? sigh.....why toture yourself

 

[tommyBoi]

Since MangoApple decided to wait for him, i believe no matter what advices we giving now will not change her decision....

MangoApple, while u waiting, make good use of this time to think and see carefully about the whole scenario and your future. Dont let LOVE blinded u.

Update us again once you "finished" waiting.. GOOD LUCK!!

 

[Renzie]

Dear mangoapple

Since you have decided to wait, then please think of the possible consequences and what you plan for your future should certain things happen, like if your husband ask for divorce, if the woman got pregnant, and if he one day decided to bring her back. This are the possibilities might happen, what do you plan to do then.

Its one thing waiting, and another thing being in self-denial that things might not get worse than it is.

If you wish to wait, you need to be very strong. Don't let others sway your decision into waiting, do it only because you want to. Don't because your in-laws or parents say wait for him. How long can you wait or are you willing to wait?

I too like others would advise you not to wait, but since you had made up your mind, there's nothing that we say can change it. In the end its your decision. But I felt that he has no respect for you, don't even say about coming back to you. Especially since he could continue on with the traditional wedding 6 months ago, invite her to your wedding, and blatantly flaunt his affair with no regards to you. He has already given up on the marriage.

 

[Fisherman's Friend]

Seriously, i'm really amazed by your preserverance! If its me, i would have left already, all these are like mental torture, knowing that your hubby is with another woman, and whole familt knows but they still ask you to wait instead of helping you to get out from it.

But as what the rest had said, decision is yours, since you had already decided, i believed you had also mentally prepared yourself of what may come next. Please take care, give it up if you really cannot take it anymore.

 

[bbgal_2010]

we had been married for 6mths. but these 6mths & before, we are not happy. always quarrelling. he confessed that he's seeing this gal for more than a year even before we got married. i begged him to stopped seeing her. i asked him why he treats me like that, he said he has no more feelings for me. he even invited this gal to our wedding. now, weekends, he spend the night outside with her. i asked him where he go, he said he went hotel with her. im very sad & at a loss on what to do. i asked my parents & inlaws for help, they talked to my husband but he doesn't know how to deal with this problem. my friends have told me to give him up but I told him I do not want a divorce as I love him alot & cannot let him go. I even call & confronted the gal, she said she will not leave him as my husband had promised her to divorce me. I asked him did he say that, he keep quiet. to me, silence means is true...what should i do?.....

I dun understand y u still wan to marry such a man...if u ardi koe he has no feeling wif u.
I dun tink his parents can do anyting for u even if he wan to b wif tat gal...n worse if tat gal is pregnant(think his parents will side who)? Y u still wan to waste ur time in waiting for him to change his mind?Even if he wan to change his mind,are u sure he wun do it again?
Ask urself, are u able to gv ur trust wifout tinking y he come home late?If the trust btw the both of u is not there, do u tink this relationship can last? It's a blessing if u leave him nw coz u still havn't got any baby wif him..if u hv kids den u will have to think twice..coz for the kids sake.
There is oni 2 way u can handle wif this problems.
1st .......LEAVE HIM
2nd.......have a good tok wif ur hubby n his family n ask wad he wan? If he keep quiet den u will decide for him...STEP UP TO TAT GAL HSE WIF HIS PARENTS N TOK TO TAT GAL.If he doesn't wan, den i guess the answer is veri clear...he wan to b wif tat gal n not U..so wad there to wait?
THo is easier to say den to do in action..but i tink is gd btw the both of u...no mental torture..no lies...isn't it better? BTW, this is oni my personal thinking...if u still think tat this man is worth of ur time...den u may wan to carry on waiting....
B strong handle it calmly..

 

[april1130]

i think u should ask a pi to follow him and get all the picture and all the ture if he got other outside. like that u got all the prove than u can div him and u will get more money for urself and ur kids.. if u need any pi pls let mi noe i can help u as i have work in a pi company before. good luck to u

 

[jojoki]

yah, nothing to be waste about.

My husband did everything that you can thought of a man can do to his wife too.

abusive, have affairs, dont give allowance, dont wanna work, blame everyone, no respect for elder....is a true bastard.

Beg me to give him chance but never change, keep threatening my life, no peace....then finally got police case n locked up he then let go.....i am very relieve! :tlaugh:

liang jia ur hubs sounds like my hubs too... except dont wanna work n affairs ( although i wont be surprised if he has one) esp the blame everyone part!! he is a divorcee and his ex had ppo against him... but he has yet to lay his hands on me although once when i refused to be his guarantor he did pushed me n threaten to kill my dog.

i'm still married to him but with our baby he has quite improved but with all that he has done.. i am struggling to love him!

 

[sho90]

dear sis,
there's the one for u waiting somewhere out there.Ditch this unfaithful man & start a new life.He's not the only man in this world!!

Do not throw your youth away.

 

[mtan]

im also like you. i wish to bear him children but he is not willing. I knew that my husband was a playboy but I still love him wholeheartedly. I may be labelled as silly but it is impossible for me to leave him!

I had spoken to my inlaws , they told me to be patience & wait as they believe my husband will come back to me. so I wait...

Girl wake up!!!! Of course u speak to your inlaw, they ask u to wait, that's is his son, blood is thicker than water. They don't even know how u feel. He might be waiting, if he come back ans say he don't want u then u are a fool to be waiting for him.

It's really a disgrace, but we women should have dinigty. After he have his fun or he being ditched by that women, u still want him back. He can do it to u once, he will do it to your again

 

[SunShine07]

liang jia your hubs sounds like my hubs too... except dont wanna work n affairs ( although i wont be surprised if he has one) esp the blame everyone part!! he is a divorcee and his ex had ppo against him... but he has yet to lay his hands on me although once when i refused to be his guarantor he did pushed me n threaten to kill my dog.

i'm still married to him but with our baby he has quite improved but with all that he has done.. i am struggling to love him!

i hope your hub will change for better, for my hub, i doubt he could, maybe next gal can handle him bah, i dun know.....

i did tried to get ppo from the family court last week, but becos he is not in singapore, hence, not avail.....

But your hub threten to kill ur dog n push you bcos u refused to be his guarantor? but i think quite bad leh.....my hub do it when i got very angry and quarrel, then he can't stand me....then hit me....but that way he hit me was so blardy terrible.......everytime, i almost got kill like that....somtimes, i wonder i got ear problem is it becos he offen took my head n knock on the wall too hard.....my back also got problem......sigh.....think of it, i should have let him go jail