If your husband have affair do u give him a 2nd chance?

[ochklk]

My husband also kena warned before but useless. Somemore, still can turn around and say I over sensitive. In the end, I have to rely on my guts feelings and GOD's help by digging for evidence then confront him. Lesson learned, never confront them till you have concrete evidence.

My first thought on discovering the affair was to divorce him. But later on second thoughts, wouldn't that fulfilled the wish of the "foxy woman". Furthermore, I noticed my children behaviour start to changed cos in the past, we are really loving every weekend bring kids out to play whole family holding hands and blocking people's path...:001_302: so for the sake of the kids, I decided to forgive him and not kick up a fuss.

Forgiving means never mention the affairs again not letting any of my parents, in laws and relatives know. That's why all the bottling up is bad for the health...:embarrassed:

For men to change heart, it is so fast... my hubby is 8 yrs younger than me, and we are together for 8 yrs plus, sometimes I do worry, what happen another 10yrs later? He is only 36..., but if he want to change heart and dun intend to give up the woman, what for to 'wan hui' the marriage? Luckily, he look quite mature and I look quite young... wahaha...

 

[chiro]

most important is that he chose the family. My fren ex hubby chose the other foreign country woman with a daughter. The affair started when my fren's baby was 3 months old and discoverede 9 months later before the baby turned 1 year old

My husband also kena warned before but useless. Somemore, still can turn around and say I over sensitive. In the end, I have to rely on my guts feelings and GOD's help by digging for evidence then confront him. Lesson learned, never confront them till you have concrete evidence.

My first thought on discovering the affair was to divorce him. But later on second thoughts, wouldn't that fulfilled the wish of the "foxy woman". Furthermore, I noticed my children behaviour start to changed cos in the past, we are really loving every weekend bring kids out to play whole family holding hands and blocking people's path...:001_302: so for the sake of the kids, I decided to forgive him and not kick up a fuss.

Forgiving means never mention the affairs again not letting any of my parents, in laws and relatives know. That's why all the bottling up is bad for the health...:embarrassed:

 

[SunShine07]

Few months back, I also came to know that my hb got involve with another married woman as well.

At that moment, i only tot of divorce. But in the end, i know he is rather guilty, so i forgiven him. But i really can't forget and get over it loh. So even now, when we sort of quarrel, i would always bring up that issue again. worst is, i have no interest in ml with him at all. And from time to time, espcially i am aloney watching tv, i would tot of them being together...thing like that. Keep haunting me till now. When i tot of it, i really feel like kiliing him loh....(sigh, sound evil?) I tried to overcome it myself, but somehow very difficult.

Anyway, if betray of such take place, usually mentally suffer is the the victim. It will really take long time to 'really' forgive him loh....

Sigh, no choice lah, temptation is everywhere...

 

[SunShine07]

when faced this problem, i also start joining this forum, share my thought and ready others advise, it does help to relieve a bit

*HUGZ*

 

[CanCanMum]

Hi ladies,

I am wondering if your husband have affair, do u give him a 2nd chance? Please share your thoughts...

if he is truly regretful of his doings and betrayal....and really wants me to give him a chance, I will not give him a 2nd chance but a FINAL chance. Knowing what actually constitutes an affair be it emotional or physical....its still an affair.

and of coz the trust and love will need to be rebuild again like when we first knew each other....meaning life will never be the same again. IT should be a very difficult process....including many negative feelings and doubts along the way....as the saying goes : Once bitten twice shy.:001_302:

 

[SunShine07]

if he is truly regretful of his doings and betrayal....and really wants me to give him a chance, I will not give him a 2nd chance but a FINAL chance. Knowing what actually constitutes an affair be it emotional or physical....its still an affair.

and of coz the trust and love will need to be rebuild again like when we first knew each other....meaning life will never be the same again. IT should be a very difficult process....including many negative feelings and doubts along the way....as the saying goes : Once bitten twice shy.:001_302:

Yap, i agreed with u totally. It will take quite long time as well

 

[ross]

spiralng,
the only way to move on is to forgive him and not to mention abt the affair anymore. it's good that he has shown some good improvement, this shows that he still loves you. guys will change if they hv realised their mistake so no points in blaming or start an argumement, the best is to talk and find way out of it. the key to good relationship is communication, one hv to listen before making a decision.

liang`jia,
ya, sometimes it's difficult to forget but somehow you hv to let go of the fear. try to focus on doing something that can distract you, talk to your frds, kids or go out even for a window shopping.

when i came to such situation like yours, will try to go out or meet up wt my friends or family. as for me hb always outstation for months or even years so i hv to build a trust in him. we try to be open and honest about the relationship like who is our friends etc. i also know that he has a lot of female friends thru work but i don't let this bother me so much. we have discuss about this before our marriage so i always take every step as a challenge. i'm lucky that my hb is not the jelousy type of guy so we don't quarrel even when i'm out wt my male friend. when i suspicious of him, i will talk to him and let him explain before i make decision. i think it's best to listen to our hb rather than outsider coz we know actually what's happening unless we caught them red handed.

 

[SunShine07]

spiralng,
the only way to move on is to forgive him and not to mention abt the affair anymore. it's good that he has shown some good improvement, this shows that he still loves you. guys will change if they hv realised their mistake so no points in blaming or start an argumement, the best is to talk and find way out of it. the key to good relationship is communication, one hv to listen before making a decision.

liang`jia,
ya, sometimes it's difficult to forget but somehow you hv to let go of the fear. try to focus on doing something that can distract you, talk to your frds, kids or go out even for a window shopping.

when i came to such situation like yours, will try to go out or meet up wt my friends or family. as for me hb always outstation for months or even years so i hv to build a trust in him. we try to be open and honest about the relationship like who is our friends etc. i also know that he has a lot of female friends thru work but i don't let this bother me so much. we have discuss about this before our marriage so i always take every step as a challenge. i'm lucky that my hb is not the jelousy type of guy so we don't quarrel even when i'm out wt my male friend. when i suspicious of him, i will talk to him and let him explain before i make decision. i think it's best to listen to our hb rather than outsider coz we know actually what's happening unless we caught them red handed.

Ya i am still trying to.

anyway, like i always say, it will take a while.

 

[Spiralng]

For men to change heart, it is so fast... my hubby is 8 yrs younger than me, and we are together for 8 yrs plus, sometimes I do worry, what happen another 10yrs later? He is only 36..., but if he want to change heart and dun intend to give up the woman, what for to 'wan hui' the marriage? Luckily, he look quite mature and I look quite young... wahaha...

Wah...so long together..you must be one attractive woman for him to be so faithful. I agreed with you if he dun intend to give up the woman, no point in retaining the relationship.

 

[jal]

For me, the answer is very, very clear-cut. I will say 'sayonara' to the jerk & proceed to the lawyer's office straightaway. Why should I live with someone who has broken his marriage vow of being faithful to me only???!!! Before leaving the house, probably I will give him 2 tight slaps & use a scissors to......
I am the kind whom once I have made a decision to sever unhappy thoughts, I will have no regret doing it, though occasionally I may think of it.

Actually my father-in-law had an affair before, so I am very worried that it is in my hubby's genes.......... Pray not.

 

[Spiralng]

most important is that he chose the family. My fren ex hubby chose the other foreign country woman with a daughter. The affair started when my fren's baby was 3 months old and discoverede 9 months later before the baby turned 1 year old

So sad to hear about your friend's case. That's why i believe in removing the "Root"(ehh...not the manhood) of the problem fast.... before the feelings start to develop.

 

[Spiralng]

Few months back, I also came to know that my hb got involve with another married woman as well.

At that moment, i only tot of divorce. But in the end, i know he is rather guilty, so i forgiven him. But i really can't forget and get over it loh. So even now, when we sort of quarrel, i would always bring up that issue again. worst is, i have no interest in ml with him at all. And from time to time, espcially i am aloney watching tv, i would tot of them being together...thing like that. Keep haunting me till now. When i tot of it, i really feel like kiliing him loh....(sigh, sound evil?) I tried to overcome it myself, but somehow very difficult.

Anyway, if betray of such take place, usually mentally suffer is the the victim. It will really take long time to 'really' forgive him loh....

Sigh, no choice lah, temptation is everywhere...

I understand how you feel, the heartache and disappointment will always be there. For sometime, I also think alot but most importantly, never bring up the issue again especially when you quarrel cos it will ruin your relationship and it will only give him excuse to stray again. I dun believe u will forget just like me, last night i start to think again that's why i put up this thread, to share my thoughts and to stop thinking the worst hee...hee...

It's gd to hv evil thoughts as long as it makes u feel better. Yours are mild compare to mine...:001_302: if you need someone to listen, feel free to contact me.

 

[Spiralng]

if he is truly regretful of his doings and betrayal....and really wants me to give him a chance, I will not give him a 2nd chance but a FINAL chance. Knowing what actually constitutes an affair be it emotional or physical....its still an affair.

and of coz the trust and love will need to be rebuild again like when we first knew each other....meaning life will never be the same again. IT should be a very difficult process....including many negative feelings and doubts along the way....as the saying goes : Once bitten twice shy.:001_302:

Fully agree with you.ancing_tongue:

 

[apollo]

last time when i'm still single or just married, i told myself if one day my hubby betray me, i'll definitely leave him! And i thought those women in tv dramas are so naive when they forgive their husbands..

but aft i got pregnant, my mindset kinda change.. i asked myself if one day, my hubby realli betray me, am i going to leave him without giving him a chance? if i do that, my bb will be the most pathetic one, not us...

like what cancanmum said, as long as he's sincere in changing, i think shd forgive, as for forget, i think it will takes a very long time!

 

[Spiralng]

For me, the answer is very, very clear-cut. I will say 'sayonara' to the jerk & proceed to the lawyer's office straightaway. Why should I live with someone who has broken his marriage vow of being faithful to me only???!!! Before leaving the house, probably I will give him 2 tight slaps & use a scissors to......
I am the kind whom once I have made a decision to sever unhappy thoughts, I will have no regret doing it, though occasionally I may think of it.

Actually my father-in-law had an affair before, so I am very worried that it is in my hubby's genes.......... Pray not.

:elvis: next time I know who to look when i want revenge....want to give me your contact...:001_302:

 

[chiro]

yalor, usually woman instinct are very sharp one. Hehe. Communication very important

So sad to hear about your friend's case. That's why i believe in removing the "Root"(ehh...not the manhood) of the problem fast.... before the feelings start to develop.

 

[lisa_ng]

yalor, usually woman instinct are very sharp one. Hehe. Communication very important

and oso due to that men do not know how to tell lies.
it's all written over the face, expressions and body gesture. :001_302:

 

[VroomVroomBoys]

But somehow or rather, even though I can forgive, i can't forget and that's the problem. I dun want to mention this affair in front of him as i promise to forgive him but when he is away, the suspicion start....Haiz...wat to do....go to motherhood forum read people's thread.ancing_wub:..and post thread so that i won't think so much...otherwise, I think will go bonkers:we2Randy-git:

It is always easier to forgive than to forget.
I know of many couples who like to surface the spouse's shortcomings & misgivings every single time they quarrel ... & we're not necessarily even talking about betrayal of the physical kind.

Whatever it is, as long as you are able to "not mention the affair again", I think your loving husband will not stray again ... on the contrary, even a repentent husband will feel like straying becoz the wife keeps buzzing that same message over & over again in his head.
:biggrin: :biggrin:

For all other mummies, whether your husband deserve a 2nd chance ... it's all your own call, since you know best how much he scores as a husband & as a father, adjacent to the stats of how you yourself score as a wife & as a mummy.
:wink: :wink:

 

[Spiralng]

It is always easier to forgive than to forget.
I know of many couples who like to surface the spouse's shortcomings & misgivings every single time they quarrel ... & we're not necessarily even talking about betrayal of the physical kind.

Whatever it is, as long as you are able to "not mention the affair again", I think your loving husband will not stray again ... on the contrary, even a repentent husband will feel like straying becoz the wife keeps buzzing that same message over & over again in his head.
:biggrin: :biggrin:

For all other mummies, whether your husband deserve a 2nd chance ... it's all your own call, since you know best how much he scores as a husband & as a father, adjacent to the stats of how you yourself score as a wife & as a mummy.
:wink: :wink:

Lets hope you are right from a guy's point of view. I never nag at him throughout our marriage life and i am not going start now. In fact, I treat him even nicer than before cos I hope guilt kills him the next time he think of betraying me again. On a positive side, at least, I know he still cares about me and he is trying to make up for it.

 

[SunShine07]

Lets hope you are right from a guy's point of view. I never nag at him throughout our marriage life and i am not going start now. In fact, I treat him even nicer than before cos I hope guilt kills him the next time he think of betraying me again. On a positive side, at least, I know he still cares about me and he is trying to make up for it.

Spiralng, I used to do that, when during courtship he acutally was a timer once. I did tried to treat him better also like you share the same feeling to make him guilty. But he take for granted.

Maybe 'wo de nan ren' is more heartless than yours lah:tlaugh: And when we just got married, i keep reminding him that i won't forgive him if he ever do that again. And even when I suspects that he was having an affair.

NOw i already treat him totally. Sometime, i not happy, i would scold/shout/nag at him. I don give a damn anymore. Not happy, i go back singapore with my son leaving him alone there!

He ever beg me many times actually to stay when i make my decision to leave him. And now i stay with him it just because i still hope that my son got father. I dont know if i still have love for him, or pity because he has no other ppl around expect me and my son. Infact, if i leave him, he will be alone.

So maybe because now that i stay with him it because i also pity him bah?
:err: